I have been known to be a very positive person, full of energy, life, excitement, but there is another side of me, which not everyone gets to see. There is a side, which has hurt many people, as I have been hurt too. There is a side of me, which longs for the ability to share my life and my passion with someone else (insert my numerous engagements here). There is a side of me, which tells me everything is going to be alright, but then doubts all of the decisions which have been made. This blog is about that side of me, as I do believe that we all have a bit of this inside ourselves, and I want to address this side of me today. I want to acknowledge it, forgive it, and move on from it. It is like a cycle of destruction, and I want it all to go away, and I want to feel that pure glow, genuine happiness, and a smile that I can not take off my face no matter how tough it gets, I can make it through.
First, I will start by staying “I’m Sorry”. I am sorry to those that I have let down, who have hoped to have seen a future with me, and either deciding it was best to our ways, or me just running away and not dealing with the situation with unanswered questions, I am truly sorry. I am not a fan of confrontation, and I sometimes live in my “bubble” world, where things may or may not exist. I am sorry those that I have hurt, and I know that karma isn’t a nice thing to come my way.
Now before anyone takes this blog too seriously, there is nothing to be concerned about. (Mom – I am fine). I just need to be putting my life into perspective in my 32nd year, and I should have had a lot of things figured out by now. I see my friends getting married, engaged, having kids, living their passion, sharing their creativity with the world, and I just want to know now, where do I exactly fit in. I have those who like to follow my travels on Facebook, wishing that they were living their life like me, but I can guarantee that at the end of the day, they have people there for them. With such a transient life, you meet people who you think are your close friends, but it is just for that short period of time. Don’t get me wrong, I have amazing people in my life from my travels, and I wish each and every day I could see them all or be able to communicate with them and have everyone together to celebrate anything.
I have made committments, and then broke them. I have committed to being super healthy, getting to the gym, staying away from my social side of having a drink, and then I resort back to my old habits. It has been a difficult year, but I can’t be referring to that anymore. No more excuses.
So – to make a change, you need to be vocal. You need to share this with others, and be able to have people hold you accountable to your words and actions. I ask you, my friends, my co-workers, blog followers, help me be accountable to be the best person that I can be. A person who is completely full of trust, passion, truth, self-love, and love for others. A person who has that sparkle back in her eye, and wants to make a positive difference to each person they meet.
As I said in the beginning, to know the light you have to know a bit of darkness, and I have had enough of this darkness. So – here is to the light, here is to me being a positive role model, and to ask for forgiveness to those I have hurt in the past.