To See the Light, You Have to Know What a Bit of Darkness Is.

I have been known to be a very positive person, full of energy, life, excitement, but there is another side of me, which not everyone gets to see. There is a side, which has hurt many people, as I have been hurt too. There is a side of me, which longs for the ability to share my life and my passion with someone else (insert my numerous engagements here). There is a side of me, which tells me everything is going to be alright, but then doubts all of the decisions which have been made. This blog is about that side of me, as I do believe that we all have a bit of this inside ourselves, and I want to address this side of me today. I want to acknowledge it, forgive it, and move on from it. It is like a cycle of destruction, and I want it all to go away, and I want to feel that pure glow, genuine happiness, and a smile that I can not take off my face no matter how tough it gets, I can make it through.

First, I will start by staying “I’m Sorry”. I am sorry to those that I have let down, who have hoped to have seen a future with me, and either deciding it was best to our ways, or me just running away and not dealing with the situation with unanswered questions, I am truly sorry. I am not a fan of confrontation, and I sometimes live in my “bubble” world, where things may or may not exist. I am sorry those that I have hurt, and I know that karma isn’t a nice thing to come my way.

Now before anyone takes this blog too seriously, there is nothing to be concerned about. (Mom – I am fine). I just need to be putting my life into perspective in my 32nd year, and I should have had a lot of things figured out by now. I see my friends getting married, engaged, having kids, living their passion, sharing their creativity with the world, and I just want to know now, where do I exactly fit in. I have those who like to follow my travels on Facebook, wishing that they were living their life like me, but I can guarantee that at the end of the day, they have people there for them. With such a transient life, you meet people who you think are your close friends, but it is just for that short period of time. Don’t get me wrong, I have amazing people in my life from my travels, and I wish each and every day I could see them all or be able to communicate with them and have everyone together to celebrate anything.

I have made committments, and then broke them. I have committed to being super healthy, getting to the gym, staying away from my social side of having a drink, and then I resort back to my old habits. It has been a difficult year, but I can’t be referring to that anymore. No more excuses.

So – to make a change, you need to be vocal. You need to share this with others, and be able to have people hold you accountable to your words and actions. I ask you, my friends, my co-workers, blog followers, help me be accountable to be the best person that I can be. A person who is completely full of trust, passion, truth, self-love, and love for others. A person who has that sparkle back in her eye, and wants to make a positive difference to each person they meet.

As I said in the beginning, to know the light you have to know a bit of darkness, and I have had enough of this darkness. So – here is to the light, here is to me being a positive role model, and to ask for forgiveness to those I have hurt in the past.

Namaste.

Craigslist – You never know who you might find answering your ad .……

My writing had come to a bit of a stall as I prepared to move my life into a 7×4 storage unit in Vancouver.  I had originally had a larger unit downtown Vancouver, however, I was shocked to find out that for the cost for 3 months by the airport was still less than one month downtown!  However, I had to reduce the size of my storage, which meant – it was time to sell my stuff.

I had to do an inventory of what I truly wanted to sell and what I wanted to keep.  Also, putting a price on your items isn’t the easiest thing to do.  Many of my pieces had memories etched into them.  Although they were only one year old, it brought me back to my great adventure of moving to Vancouver, starting a new job, and my Mom putting them together.  However, I knew that there were people out there who probably needed them more than my storage unit.  So – this blog is dedicated to those who bought my “stuff”.

The Bedframe – Went to a lovely new father to be who moved from Ontario to Kitsilano in the summer.  He figured it was best him and his wife had a bed frame to sleep on instead of their mattress on the floor since they were now expecting.  So – first sale done!

The Patio Set – First of all, thank you to my great friend who actually donated this to my cause.  However, now it belongs to two lovely yoga instructors from Slovenia! Namaste!

The Dresser – Maybe my smarts will also rub into this very talented girl who is a SSHRC PostDoctoral Fellow with UBC. Fancy!

The Ikea Couch – there had been many who inquired about this couch, but my instinct went to a guy who had gone through a bit of a change in his life, and I just wanted to help as I totally understood what he was going through.  We had emailed back and forth and then actually started to text.  It was great to find out that he was actually moving across the street from me and he worked for one of my favorite companies who I fly with from time to time.  We knew people in common, and it was a right away connection.  Then, we met.  And, we moved.  No trucks, no trolleys, just our bare hands and determination.  There were laughs, jokes, thoughts of “why did I drink too much tequila at karaoke last night” moments, tetris like moves up his 3 flights of stairs, as there was no elevator, but it was fun.  I had met a great neighbor, but I was soon to leave.  We had a few casual get-togethers after, which again, was full of laughter and a sweet calmness.  Even to this day, I look forward to our emails, and I am happy to know that he will have a nice couch to add to his rather lovely wooden panel apartment and the memories that will unfold in his new home with his special sweet girl.

So – Craigslist – thank you.  You brought some great people into my life, even just for the quick moment of an interaction of goods and also the friendships to be.  It was a big move, yet a good emotional release, which was needed. 

Here is to the past, the present, and the future and I hope those who have my old stuff find the joy, excitement, and love that I had for everything that they newly acquired.

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This Girl has got a case of “The Laugh” and a Facial Expression or Two….

When I get nervous, excited, in disbelief, I laugh.  A giggle comes out and sometimes it just can’t stop.  This is my natural mechanism hardwired into me, and if I were to stop this, change it, then I wouldn’t be WHO I am.  Perhaps this laugh can come at moments when a laugh may not be the best reaction to a situation.  Now, I am not speaking about something tragic, as I do have feelings, and I am very empathetic.  I understand sadness, grief, anger, loss, but I do like to have self happiness/laugh-ness as you can call it.  This laugh just got me into a bit of a situation, which I do apologize for, as I was having a great time – so sorry for the giggles my friend.

I also like to make face gestures.  I have been described as the following from my graduation from my Yoga 200 hr Teacher Training by Julia McCabe: “World traveller, Yogini of the Water Gypsy’s and Cruiseship Pirate who has a penchant for facial expressions and amazing comebacks.”  I am known for my facial expressions, and perhaps I need to have a Go Pro camera following my own facial expression for the day so I can truly see what I get myself up to.  People might think that I am giving them a look which can be assumed to be rude, flirting, or just plain what is wrong with that girl.  Oh – and sorry for the facial expressions too my friend – this my animated side. 

This is me.  This can also be a reason why I am still single at 31.  But really, I am not a cookie cutter girl.  I am not your average run of the mill, cook your dinner, rub your feet, and come to your every beckoning call.  I am a dreamer, a doer, someone who has drive, and I want to achieve so much in this life.  There are times were I feel as if I have not achieved anything at all, and it really brings me down.  I am a naturally bubbly, outgoing person, but there are times when I just want to stay in bed all day, and hide.  What a waste of a day, because each day is so precious, and due to my lack of self confidence I can have from time to time, I just want to escape under a warm duvet of protection.

I am tired of feeling like I have achieved nothing at all.  It is hard to see all of these now very young talented people in the media, and I always wonder, what would have happened if I stayed on my first path in life.  I was on the road to Media, I was in the Radio Station, I was meeting with many now top Media people, and I was passionate.  However, I would never take away the experience and travels I have to date, but I would like to expand.  Expand my knowledge, my career, my passion, and my exposure to the world.

2014 – It’s our Year to do this – Laughs, Facial Expressions, and Passion!

:)

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The Tinder Experience – No more.

In October, I was introduced to this little app call “Tinder”.  Have you ever tried it?  Heard of it?  Had any success with it?  When you live on a Cruise Ship, you never know about the latest and greatest apps out there, or even movies or new music.  I was amused by this creation for any Smart Phone or Tablet, which ends up being linked up to your Facebook profile.

How it works – this is the best part.  You put in what YOU are looking for, distance, age, gender, and then the app will look for those in your requirements and you will then receive a list and you either “like or dislike” what you see, based on a few words and mainly pictures.  If both people have liked each other, then you can start to chat.  So – this is what we have come to in our society to meet people.  Does it work?  Well, sure it does.  But, you never know what you might find on the other end of your blue-lighted screen.

My friend had been chatting with someone, so I put the app on my iPhone while in Hawaii and tried it out.  We ended up chatting with the same person, but we all knew it as it became a joke.  We met up in a local bar, and things went well between me and him, and my friend wasn’t interested.  We had a great time, but I wouldn’t admit that I had met him on Tinder.  Here is the thing – if you are not truly available, free, wanting to meet someone, still hung up on a love from the past, it is probably not a great thing to go on.    This is what happened when I went to visit this person again.  It is a weird situation, but a life lesson brought again by the islands of Hawaii.  Do your own thing, and if you have a feeling something might not be right, TRUST you gut instinct and be true to yourself.

After my Hawaiian experience, I gave Tinder a go in the Vancouver Market.  I ended up having a few people chat me up – with lines like “Nice Eyes”, “How would you tell your friends you met me?”, “Let’s meet up!”, along with many other lines.  I did have a bit of a connection with one person, but I was off to Italy and we ended up havinga great conversation throughout 2 weeks via email.  It was great, it was exciting, it made writing an email a joy again.  After 2 weeks of emails, it was on to phone calls.  We had a few, and then nothing.  Perhaps a text message here, facebook message there, but the novelty ended it seemed.  We had never met in person, and who knows what would have happened, but that will be a story of the past in 2013.

So life lesson of 2013 to bring into 2014.  Goodbye Tinder – I’m a pretty sweet person, and I don’t need to hype myself up with photos, words, and hard sells, and want someone to meet me in person for what they “like” on an app.  I am ready to take on 2014 with zest, adventure, love, fun, and on December 31st, 2014 – I will be again celebrating the year in a new place, amongst my friends, and raising a fine glass of champagne to ring in the New Year.

Happy New Year to my friends, and thanks for reading about my travels throughout 2013!

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A Hui Hou

Today was the first time that I arrived to the boarding gate at the airport with minutes to spare.  An overpriced airport cookie and bottle of Hawaiian water as my fuel for the flight as hunger did not exist today.  There was a sort of emptiness about going to the airport, as if this wasn’t the right time to go.  I was just getting settled, when the reminder of the departing flight became a reality.  It was a blessing to see many friends, who I have met during my visits to Hawaii during this trip.  It really was comforting to be in the islands. 

We all have a place, which is called our ‘home’.  We may have more than one home, as many of us have families around the country and throughout the world, and we are blessed to be able to travel between each place.  The saying “Home Is Where The Heart Is” is very true, but what happens when you have your heart split into more than one place?  My heart is always with my family, no matter what, but it also has a big piece in Hawaii ever since my first encounter with Maui six years ago.  Each visit brings me closer to calling Hawaii my permanent home.  It is a hard thing to do for many, to pack up, take a chance, and move to the islands in the middle of the Pacific Ocean.  It is a calling to many, and with determination and willingness to make it all happen, it can become a reality, even for a Canadian like me.  Some people would call this crazy, but I call it ideal and a goal that I am going to achieve for early 2014.

This travelling yogi pirate of the seas wants to settle.  I want to establish roots and give back to the community, to begin a new story in my book, a future, to be an entrepreneur, to wake up with a huge smile on my face and feel the same throughout the whole day and ending the day with contentment and knowing that I made a difference.  To be embraced by the beauty all around, which has one stop and admire the surroundings, really speaks to me.  Just imagine a sunset which lights the sky in unbelievable colours and with a rainbow over the West Maui Mountains, a sight which I have been blessed to been part of this week. 

There are things we can do, speak of, dream up, and desire, but what do we do with these thoughts?  Does it sit up on a shelf to gather dust, or is it an active and alive way of being?  I choose to be active. 

The time has come to make this reality happen, to jump on the opportunity to give to the Aloha Spirits of the Islands.

Live Aloha.  Practice Aloha.  Be Aloha.

Hawaii – I am coming back home soon.  But first, I have my family to be with because they are my main priority in life and they will always be.  My family is my rock, and without a solid foundation, I would not be who I am today.Image

Mahalo. A Hui Hou!

Looking Through the Closet and Drawers

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Going through my closet and drawers, there are clothes and items that all seemed to have meant something to me; and there was a reason to why I bought the item.  Perhaps it was on sale, I was drawn to it, or I wanted to look special for a night out.  With the selection that I have, I just don’t seem to be satisfied with what I have at the moment.  While getting ready, I look in the closet, close it, and open it again, hoping that something different might appear – just like opening and closing the fridge door – same tactic here.  But, nothing appears, it is what it is – it is what I possess.

Could this potentially be applied into my current situation?  Looking at what I have, hoping that it might change, but still being satisfied on a certain level with what is happening.   Opening up my closet to my life, everyday I am hoping to find more love, joy, peace, calmness, and adventure.  I wear all of these each day, but like an addiction, I want more.  This is where trouble can happen.  Wanting more and more can end up come crashing down to having nothing at all.  Starting from the bottom again, but is there a rush and an excitement to having a new beginning?  Only you can determine that, as it is a personal point of view for each individual. 

What would you like to add to your closet and drawers if anything was possible?  What is it that you would like to look at and just smile, be content, and know that you earned it with hard work, dignity, and an undying love to get it done?

Today I am going to add into my closet my contentment with my current situation, and to realize how lucky I am to be in the position that I am in.  Although the grass might look greener on the other side, I must say that the ocean is pretty blue from my window, and surrounded by majestic mountains. No, I wouldn’t trade this view for anything, and I will etch it in my memories for years to come.  This will hold a special section in my personal closet and drawers of life.

 

At Last – Alaska – The Last Frontier – The State of Nature and Beauty

One month has passed, and there has been no words shared on this page of my travels or life experiences.  There has been stillness in my creativity, as I have been embraced with the beauty of my surroundings.  There have been times of joy, sadness, late nights, early mornings, belly laughs, random events, dining out, fine wine, weight lifting and squats, and of course I can’t forget my office hours.

Alaska – this is a place that you have to visit at least once.  I used to have no desire to come to this state, as I had lived in Whistler and I had thought that I have seen it all.  My ignorance of what I thought it would be like would have stopped me if I had never had this opportunity to be here for almost 2 months.  Sometimes our ignorance, or what we think a situation or event will be like stops us from experiencing the real deal.  The truth is, I would have been very silly to have never gone to Alaska, and to meet the amazing people that I have encountered on my travels, onboard the ship and also those who are living in the towns I get to visit each week.  What is it that you might never want to experience because you think of it as something that you wouldn’t be interested in? Have you really researched into it, and thought, what if I gave it a chance?  It might end up being a real surprise, which could move you on every level.  

Taking a chance – this is the real lesson of 2013 for me.  So far, I have taken a chance on a new life in Vancouver, a new job, accepting a failed relationship, accepting that I was laid off, returning back to being at sea, meeting some unique individuals, losing friends due to my ignorance, writing this blog, and there is still 4 months left in the year.

As I start to look towards the final voyages to Alaska, I don’t want to see this as an end, but as a new beginning.  A new start to learn to let down my guard, to not judge, and to continue to be embraced by the beauty in each person, thing, and situation. Perhaps my journey may continue on sea, or maybe it is on land, but right now, I am focusing on this present moment, which has me here – at sea – sharing my insights with you.

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