33 – 01-27-16

One of my strengths is my ability to communicate, which is probably why I have become good at what I do. I am good at my job, I am good at helping others, but I want to turn this good into great. I am not referring to the book “From Good to Great” here, but I am referring to my current spot in life. I have been determined that 2016 is going to be amazing and that when I turned 33 in October that this would be the best year ever.

I have had interesting experiences along the way so far, but there is a piece of me that is missing. There is a part of me that feels unfulfilled. There has to be more than this. There has to be more than waking up at 5am, pushing myself to get to the gym, being squished in the small room with ‘band-wagoners’, then squished on a streetcar to go a short distance (yes I could walk, but I do that at night since I run a bit behind in the morning from going to the gym), swiping left or maybe right on Tinder, going on dates that go nowhere or to be told inappropriate things, and then back home for less than 7 hours of sleep because you need to work multiple jobs to get by living in the city in an overpriced condo on your own. Seriously – is this what it is all about?

I had always thought that I was destined for something great, and Freudian typing slip that I had just erased, but I had someone great. Maybe that is the missing piece. Maybe I am judging myself from my past mistakes in life, however those mistakes have brought happiness to a few people that I know in my life, but where is my happiness? I put a smile on my face, I am brave throughout the day, I do what I can, but am I truly happy? Do I truly feel fulfilled at the end of the day? Can I answer that truthfully? Yes, I can answer it and I don’t feel fulfilled. I can’t talk about my successes or adventures, unless you call my Tinder dates adventures which all generally turn out to be nothing more than a date or two and then as what I have learnt – ghosted. I have been told that I am awesome, you are beautiful, you are wonderful, but then why I am failing in this area? Why am I not being ‘swept off my feet’ as a Tinder date put it that would happen to me as he confided he was not ready for anyone and just broke up with someone 2 weeks ago, and of course I will keep all names out of this to protect their identity. Why do I feel as if I am the odd one out in Toronto? What is it that I am missing to be admirable? To be successful? To be everything that I have ever hoped to be?

Today has been a day of reflection. A day to release. A day to be on my own and accept being on my own. A day to watch a movie and cry through a comedy and know that it is ok. A day to drink 2 glasses of wine and eat leftovers from food I prepared on Sunday night. A day to cry in the bathtub while your Mother listens to you wishing she could change the world for you, but she knows that you need to go through this to be a stronger woman. A day to realize you deserve the best and to stick it out and be positive. A day to make a change to be a better person. That is today – and I will get through this. I will be more than what I am today, it will be a challenge, I will face obstacles, but life isn’t supposed to be easy. Then where is the fun if it was?

33 – I am optimistic. 33 – You can’t run away from your problems, as they will follow you no matter where you go – even Hawaii. 33 – Tinder sucks. 33 – You deserve better.

Dear Santa


Dear Santa,

I have to admit, it’s been many years since I have ever thought of writing a letter to the one and only Santa Claus. This time, my Santa Claus is you, reading this, so thank you for taking your time to read my Christmas Wish List.

I have made quite the transition since last Christmas where I was somewhere in the Caribbean enjoying a morning mimosa with the Medical team following by an epic Engineering party with lots of food and drink. The memories I had celebrating with the Crew onboard kept my spirits bright as I was surrounded by so many others in the same boat, literally.

So here is my Christmas Wish List. I have a few, so please be patient as I write them out to hope that these do come true in the year to come. You can also look at this as my New Years Resolution/Wish for 2016 – so I am ahead of the game here.

  1. For Christmas 2016, I really want to perform a few Christmas songs on a stage and to bring joy and laughter to those who watch. I have always had a dream of doing a recording of a Christmas song or two, so Santa, let’s entertain in 2016.
  2. Santa, I would really like to meet someone who I can share my experiences here on land with. Yes, I must admit that I have had relationships which have been up and down, long and short, but I am ready to bring this element back into my life. It seems that the typical Tinder and other apps aren’t bringing the best matches my way. I have always imagined spending Christmas with a loved one and visiting families, friends, and hosting parties together – Santa, let’s make my life like a Holiday movie.
  3. Just like what I shared when stopped in Dundas for a Christmas Eve special for a church where they asked, “What gift would you like to give to everyone in the world?” and I responded with “love”. I want all of us in the world to feel love, give love, share love, and be love. It is time to stop the negativity and anger towards each other. Let’s be love.

Santa, that is my Christmas list. Not too long, not too complicated, and nothing that comes from material possessions. It is the wish to share my talent and myself to the world and maybe someone special.

I hope everyone has a wonderful Holiday season, no matter what you celebrate or don’t celebrate. As we end 2015, let’s remember the good we had throughout the year and the good we can bring into 2016. Every year we get better, wiser, smarter, and challenge ourselves to be a better person.

Here is to the Holiday Season…..here is to the Christmas Wish List, here is to all of your dreams coming true.

Happy Holidays!

Strong. Beautiful. Confident. Deserving. Successful.

Last week during my 5k run that I lead (and no one showed up), I decided to go out on the run on my own. Negative thoughts were in my head from my attempt at the run two days prior and it was slowing me down. I was only focusing on what I was unable to achieve instead of what I could achieve. I would look at others running past me and I would think to myself “Why is that not me? Why am I slow? Why? Why? Why?” None of these thoughts were productive or even in any way supportive to my goal of completing this run. Then, I had a thought – and that was to change what I was saying in my mind to the following positive mantra: I am – Strong. Beautiful. Confident. Deserving. Successful. I couldn’t believe what happened! My stride increased, my energy was up, and I felt unstoppable. It’s amazing how a change in attitude and thoughts can make things lighter, more enjoyable, and making you feel good! Let’s break it all down for fun, as things have been a bit difficult lately and I am sure I am not the only one who goes through things like this.



For as long as I can remember, I have struggled with my weight. Comparing myself to who I think I should look like and why I don’t look like them and be a size (insert said number here). Being strong is being sexy. I don’t have to be bones and skin, but more of bones, skin, muscle, and a bit of curves, never hurt anyone, and being healthy is important. Strong in mind. Strong in body. I have just started an amazing team training called F45, and this was just to improve what I am lacking – motivation, recognition, being pushed to achieve more, and a team environment. It’s good to be strong! Both physically and mentally!


Again, just like struggling with my weight, another was my image. Beauty glows from the inside out. If you think and speak negative thoughts you will ultimately have these vibes come out of you without even saying anything. Everyone is beautiful in their own way, and we need to embrace this beauty in others and share it with them. When was the last time you said you were beautiful to someone? I have to thank my Mom for doing this on a daily basis, as when we become so judgmental, we can forget to tell ourselves – you are beautiful today.


Fake it till you make it. Put on a show and don’t turn back. Speak with your head held up high and own it. All of these things are what you can do to be more than confident in every thing you do. There is a difference between being confident and cocky. No one wants to be around someone who is putting themselves on a “show”, be genuine to who you are and confident about that.


Here is a big piece of the pie that I am dealing with at the moment, to know that I am deserving of the best. That I will not settle for less and know that I can do better. This area at the moment comes to what you can title more of relationships, because they can be casual, brief, long term, whatever it might be. Surround yourself with the people who are liked minded to you, then you will be surrounded with what you need to succeed. Surround yourself with others who raise you to the next level and not bring you down. Do not attempt to make a piece not fit into the puzzle, as when you think that you made it fit, it doesn’t flow with the picture and you will see it stand out. In the past month I have learnt to not let others who do not want to be in my company bring me down, as I am to share my time with those who truly want to be around someone of my ability, potential, and goal setting.


It has been coming up on almost 6 months that I have left ships. This was my area of comfort, ability to not worry about anything, travel, friendships, and it was what I knew. I was in my comfort zone and I did feel successful on most days but there was something missing. What was missing was that element of being stable and having a solid foundation. Here I am creating that foundation and it is scary. Things are not as easy as they were at sea and you need to really push yourself to make things happen on land. I will be successful here and not need to run back to sea when things get tough or not what I had planned. A successful mind will be a successful life. I can do this, a challenge only makes you stronger, so I will become that much more in the big picture.

So there it is. My mantra for: loving who you are, your situation, and anything else that needs a bit of extra loving. You are – Strong. Beautiful. Confident. Deserving. Successful. Go and share this with who you love – tell them just that. Happy Monday!

Day 2 and 3 – Juicing was made for you and me

juice on

I have made it to the end of Day 3. I feel lighter, brighter, and my sense of smell has been heightened. Everything smells delicious, but at the same time, I am not hungry. I read that you can come to this part of the detox and it is called ketosis. Ketosis is a metabolic process that occurs when the body does not have enough glucose for energy. Stored fats are broken down, resulting in a build-up of acids called ketones within the body. So burn body burn, as it feels good for my clothes to be fitting a bit not so snug anymore. The thing with this type of detox is that you need to give your body time to rest, and I have been very busy with running around the city of Toronto, but I am writing this from the comfort of my bed. So if you decide to do this, make sure you listen to your body and take it easy.

Tomorrow will conclude the 4 -day body reset and it will set me up for success with making the right choices going forward again. I have struggled with weight my whole life, or at least from when I can remember. I had always tried the new diet fad, and this has been going on for the past 22 years or so. It started with what Oprah was doing, counting how many grams of fat – 20 was the limit and I had my own counter. Trying to eat no carbs, or carbs, just meat, go vegan, this shake, that shake, and now it’s all about eating the right stuff that is not processed and full of additives – aka – fruits and veggies. But then, you have to be very careful that you have washed it correctly as you don’t want to have any lingering situations.

What I have learnt in the past few days is still to be kind to myself. Comparing who I am to another person is not going to get me any further in life. Not being happy and just being quiet when I should speak up, it not going to get me to where I need to be. Being able to be in a state of clarity makes everything so much easier to deal with. There is no real stress. I feel that we can over complicate so many things and it make it harder to get anything done. I am not proclaiming that a juice detox can solve all the problems in the world, but it is a start to bring yourself into a state of calmness and awareness. Wouldn’t it be great to feel this good every day? Give it a try, only you can make it happen.

Juice. Juice. Water. Juice. It’s the start of the detox.

Why is it important to detox? Everyone has their own reasons, studies, etc. However, I detox for my own health and wellbeing. When I start to feel sluggish, or just a case of being blah, I look at what I am putting into my body and determine – yep….it’s time to do a little reset. Is it difficult, yes. Can I do it….yes! Do I think of eating and drinking things that made me get to this point and need a detox…OH YES! But that is what the first few days are like. My body is slowing starting to eliminate what it doesn’t need and take it all the good nutrients I am putting in via a channel of juice.

How does the day start? First thing first, you need to get up earlier than normal because it is prep time. Getting all of the veggies and little fruit ready, takes time, thorough washing, and getting it through the juicer. When taking care of your body, you need to take it easy, be as detailed and meticulous as you can, and then go from there. Just like juicing, attention to details and the prep of the items.


After the prep, it’s time for the mental prep for the day. Positive mantras, looking at your self in the mirror and saying – “YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL” – is a great way to get going for your day, and this is not just for detox time, this is for any time. Love yourself, Love who you are, Love everything about what makes you – YOU! This is where I have been struggling, so that is again why – detox time. Negativity breeds destruction of one’s self – so I decided to take construction on my own destruction with a natural approach. Good bye bad vibes.

Next, comes the day ahead. No need to promote – oh I am on a detox, look at me, as this will makes things a bit harder. You will be tempted if you don’t have a strong will power by those you see eating the food you used to eat, drinking the latte’s, the smell of food will become more intense, but you need to remember – I am doing this for my health.

This is Day 1, and each day gets a bit more harder but easier at the same time. The feeling of being light and clean, and the glow that radiates from your self, is enough to say – yes, this isa good idea and yay me! So don’t you think you deserve this feeling? Of course you do, give a little detox a try, you might be very surprised. Day 1 Complete, next Day 2…what will you bring tomorrow?

Service. Recognition. Personalization. Dedication.


In the past month, I decided to take on a part time job at a Juice Bar in the city. A great opportunity to get out from behind a desk, with the hopes to make a difference in the day of a customer who entered this small establishment. I have found, way too often, that the level of customer service has declined, and there is the ongoing question “How do we fix this?”

Learning a new skill, task, and the quantity of what you put into a juice and what is the filler is a bit daunting. My pride and my ego came into this job with the attitude of I CAN DO THIS, but when put on the spot, I felt as if I had no idea on what I was doing, and this was somewhat correct. I could have failed completely and walked out, but I had a great mentor, and she took the time with me to get me where I needed to be. It wasn’t a sink or swim type of situation, it was a guided learning path and this is what is missing these days.

Great service comes from individuals who have a passion to want to serve and also nurtured by a seasoned coach to get them from Point A to Point B. If you dedicate the time and energy to train someone new, you will reap the benefits of the time invested into them. Recognition is key too. Let them know how they are doing, be upfront and honest, and set an example on how you want them to be like. If you are not being genuine, service oriented, attentive, then how you can expect your new recruits to do the same.

Of course we have all of the different Generations that can come into this. You can put somewhat of a stereotype into this, but at the end of the day we are all human. We all have the ability to connect with each other, and service is all about the connection. How do we interact with each other? Do we decide to make eye contact, smile, listen? It all comes down to a decision, and that is in the mindset of the individual. How do you nurture that person to enhance their ability to provide that service? Recognition. Try it – see what happens.

So how do we fix this? Listen to your team, what is it they need, what can you do as a Leader to help them reach their goals. Also at the same time, lead them into greatness. Show them, teach them, educate service with the small things you do. Personalize the experience, and they hopefully will do the same.

What I enjoyed the most about my part time job at the Juice Bar is the ability to connect and personalize the interaction. Not being afraid to speak up, get to know them in a 30 second window and bring their item to them with the straw, or fork, or whatever it might be. Knowing that they could choose anywhere else to go, and hopefully I have helped to create a loyal customer to the Juice Bar with the decision that I made to make it special and unique.

Get back to the basics; make someone feel special, and go with the flow. It’s that simple – but are you ready?

The Checklist

In a few months I will be 33. I will continue to be employed. I will be living on my own helping to pay the mortgage of a really nice landlord. I will be happy. I will be successful. I will be who I am. I will not be pretending to be who I am not, and spending time with those who may drag me down. I will be more confident, more outspoken when needed, and more responsible. I will be the best that I can be leading up to 33, and even better when I get to this stated age.

So where does this all come from? Leaving the life at sea brings many challenges and awareness. From the life of everything being available and basically handed to you, to a life of making an extra effort to make things happen, it all comes down to the attitude and determination that you have. So what is this checklist all about? It seems to be what I need to look at when getting into a situation, going somewhere, or lately pretty much anything at all. When I was younger, I was pretty sure I wouldn’t be let’s say for this debate, single at 32. Not engaged and no where close to that, not married, no kids, no house, but I do have a beautiful car, a great job, and an amazing family that I am now here to see more of.

I have been out there meeting people along the way, and prior to being back on land, I didn’t really date in the “Canadian pool” of guys. I was more of an “International” dater, as the people I met where from around the world on the ship. The only thing that I knew for sure was that they had a job, had passed the requirements to be onboard and that was pretty much it. Here on land, you just never know what you might run into. I feel like I am in a foreign land of lies, a bit of weirdness, and very much the unknown. So my new checklist going forward, working up into my 33rd year includes the following items:

1 – Do you have a job? A car? A place to live?
2 – Do you own any thing that would let’s say shoot something?
3 – Do you have a goal to achieve?
4 – Do you have a valid passport?
5 – Where have your travels brought you to?
6 – And the questions go from there.

My questioning and interviewing skills have become more sharper being back on land and I wonder to myself, when will this all come together. Each day is different but kind of the same. Each day I think of the choice that I made to leave the life at sea to be back on land, and contemplate and remember that I did make the right decision. My checklist is a starting point, but if you don’t have any guidelines or directions, you might just end up off track and that’s ok. But getting close to 33, I want to be on track, making it all happen, and feeling more of the success that I truly am destined to be.




Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 1,403 other followers