I remember as a teenager, sitting in front of the TV on a blanket imagining someone special beside me as I would watch shows like “Saved by the Bell” or whatever would be popular at the time. While others at my age would be starting to date, or at least have the opposite sex interested in them, I sat on my own, wondering when someone would want to date me.
20 years later, the same girl who used to sit in front of the TV imagining someone special beside her, is now laying on her bed in a studio apartment in Hawaii wondering the exact same thing. Why would it be that the only thing that seemed to be missing from a well put together life would be someone to share it with? Perhaps it was that living in another Country, away from the comfort of family and friends, had a bit of an absence to it that maybe would be filled with the desire of another human being. It could be that being alone was not the ultimate goal, and at 34 almost going on 35, the concept of being single was as if to be rejected, not fitting into society. Maybe it was a replay from the years of the past which were hard to embrace, from being made fun of, to settling for the moment and not staying true to the heart, and then being disappointed from relationships that turned out to be no more than a distant memory.
Whatever it was, it was not the way that one should spend a Friday night. Sitting at home, alone, and being stirred up by emotions that do not help for a full night of solid sleep. With that feeling in mind, this girl, being me, has decided to live and embrace each day to the fullest, to live as if anything is possible, because it is, and to throw away all of the negative stuff of the past and make room for the new. I have held on to this junk for way to long, so farewell, adios, enjoy the trip to the past where you belong.
I will live with zest, with excitement, and with passion. I will be true to myself and know that I am perfect just the way I am and I love me. I know that in the right timing, everything will fall into place, and these Friday nights of solitude with be nights filled of laughter, company, and increased gratitude.
Perhaps being alone is part of my growth at the moment. The part that hurts so much, but builds one into a stronger character.
“Change and growth is so painful, but necessary for us to evolve.” -Sarah McLachlan